I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
