we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
