the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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