no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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