if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
