Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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