Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
