marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
