Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
