sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i will never coherently bang her
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Are my feet made of real feet?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
