sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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