we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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