I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
