Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
