Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
