You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
