Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
