I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I smell stomach acid.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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