i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
