We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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