you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
