hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
