yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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