i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
