I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
