once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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