Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
