HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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