if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
