It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
