a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
