8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
