NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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