i will never coherently bang her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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