Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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