Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
