Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
