Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
