Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
