i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
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She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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