shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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