I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
