The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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