Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
