Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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