Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
