Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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