Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
