he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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