Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize