I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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