it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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