Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
