On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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