I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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