that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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