So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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