6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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