Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The ass gains better be worth it
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