lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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