dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
