he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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